Obey Your Leaders

Hebrews 13:17
"Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you."
I read this and immedeatley my Pastor back home, Pastor Nathan, came to mind. For the past year and a half he was always there to try to guide me in the right direction. Even when I had left NY and ran to Cali and started using drugs again for awhile, he didn't give up on me. He was in constant contact with my mom about where I was and what was going on. He would also try calling me and he prayed for me daily. When I wound up back in NY he was so happy to see me again and know that I was okay. He counseled me daily, and would even check up on me during the week to make sure I didn't go off course. As soon as I stepped foot into his church I became part of his flock, and it reminds me of the Parable of The Lost Sheep that Jesus told in Luke 15. I had gone astray but I was ultimatley led back to the Lord through him, my mom and others from the church. There was and still is so much rejoicing over this. Since I have come back to the Lord he has continued to guide me in the right direction. It was him that had suggested that I come here to Potters Field. Ill be honest, I didn't want to come here at first. My flesh was holding me back because I still didn't want to give up my past life. As it drew closer I became more and more excited about it though, and Im beyond happy that I did come. He felt very strongly that being here was God's will for this season of my life and after much prayer and meditation I believed it was as well. God has placed leaders above me to help guide me and to continue to grow me in Him. Obeying them also means that I am obeying God as well. If i go against thier counsel, then I am also hurting myself and stunting my growth. If i go against them over and over again, eventually I will go astray and I don't want that to happen. I don't want anything to hinder my relationship with Him.
Application:
Today I will not only obey the leaders that God has placed in my life outwardly, but I will do it inwardly as well, with a willing heart. If I feel any resistance from my flesh I will stop and pray in the moment that God would give me His strength and soften my heart.

My mom and My bestfriend

Ephesians 6:1

"Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."
Colossians 3:20
"Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord."

If you talked to my mom she would tell you countless stories of how I was mischevious, strong willed and stubborn. I have always wanted to do things my own way literally since the day I was born. According to my mom the first day after I was born, I got kicked out of the baby nursery in the hospital because the nurse said I was a "bad kid". I guess I had riled up all the other babies in the nursery and then I also punched the nurse in the face which left a huge welt. All throughout my childhood I wasn't a very obedient child. Actually Ill be honest, I haven't been obedient up until about 7 months ago when I gave my life to the Lord. Thats when everything changed for me. Before that, there was always tension between my mom and I, and there were times when her and I wouldn't talk. I look back and I really regret all the years that I lost with her because of my disobedience and wanting to do things my own way. All the times we disagreed wasn't because she was trying to keep me from something or someone, it was only because she loved me and was trying to protect me. I see that now, but I could never see that before. I will say though, that since I have come to the Lord her and my relationship has drastically changed. My mom is my bestfriend and I love her more than anything in this world. I could never express how sorry I am for all the heartache I have caused her through the years. It means the world to hear her and my dad say to me today that they are so proud of me and the person that I have become.
It is the same with my Heavenly Father . All my running, and all my stubborness to please my flesh has caused Him so much heartache. Thoroughout everything He has been there. He has saved me from myself multiple times. Just like my relationship with my mom, my relationship with Him has drastically changed as well. He has also become my bestfriend, and whens Hes looking down on me, I want Him to be proud of me. I want to hear Him say these beautiful words to me when I enter Heaven's gates, "Well done, good and faithful servant".
Application:
Tonight I will sit down and write a letter to my mom telling her how sorry I am for everything, how amazing she is for always being there, how much I love her, and how thankful I am to have her as my mom and my bestfriend.

A Slave To Addiction

Romans 6:16
"Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one's slave to obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness?"
This brings me back to when I was at my church about 7 months ago and I was talking to the assistant pastors wife who has become such an amazing mentor in my life. She had been through all the same things I have regarding addiction and she said something to me that really stuck out in my head. She told me "you have made drugs your god". When I first heard this I laughed because I thought it was crazy to say that. I didn't bow down and worship them, I wasn't outwardly praising them .. or was I? That phrase didn't leave my mind and I thought about it alot and I realized that yes, drugs were my god. They were the absolute center of my life. Every thought that crossed my mind pertained to them. The first thing I did every single morning was go directly to them and If i didn't have any I felt like I would die and then my whole day would be about how to get more. Like the verse says, I was a slave to them and it was leading me down the path of darkness and death. I worshipped them in other ways, giving up everything I had, pushing everyone out of my life, selling all my belongings and revolving my entire life around them. It made me into a different person. I would do anything to get them. All my morals and self worth went out the window. I was a liar, a thief and I was downright miserable. Looking back I can see so clearly the hold that this sin had over my life and it literally scares me to think about it.
Now those chains have been broken. I have been set free from that and I have made God the center of my life. Verse 18 says, "And having been set free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness." Now I live a life full of joy and happiness. It is a complete 180 from how I used to be.
Verses 21 and 22 of this chapter stuck out to me as well, its says "What fruit did you have then in the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life". All I did back in those days was fall deeper and deeper into darkness and misery and I made everyone around me miserable. But now with Jesus as my center I am able to radiate His light and His love and spread His joy and spend eternity with Him in Heaven.
Application:
Today I will write down everyone that was involved in that lifestyle with me that are still slaves to addiction. I will go through the list and pray for each one of them individually.

On Fire For God

Acts 5:29-32

'But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: "We ought to obey God rather than men. The God of our fathers raised up Jesus whom you murdered by hanging on a tree. Him God has exalted to His right hand to be Prince and Savior, to give repentance to Israel and forgiveness of sins. And we are His witnesses to these things, and so also is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey Him."
Peter and the apostles were imprisoned the day before for performing signs and wonders in the name of Jesus bringing many people to the Lord. An angel appeared to them while they were in prison and got them out and told them to stand in the temple and preach about the Lord. The next morning when the officers went to the prison they saw that the prison was secured but the apostles werent there anymore, then they found them in the temple doing what God had asked them to do. They were brought before the high priest and these verses were what they replied to him. Reading the whole context of what went on here is so powerful. Peter and the apostles were on fire for Jesus. Nothing and no one of this world could stop them.
This makes me stop and ask myself, 'Am I on fire for the Lord?', 'Am I willing to do anything and go anywhere the Lord wants me to go?' 'Willing to obey His every command?' Ill be honest, just obeying Him and coming to IGNITE was a hard decision for me. I knew so clearly that He wanted me to be here, it was evident in everything. He spoke to me through multiple people and He has provided every step of the way when there was no money to begin with, yet I still had my resignations. Verse 29 says, "Obey God rather than men". There really wasn't anyone that was telling me not to come except for my own flesh, but I ended up obeying Him and letting go of my fleshly desires. Now that I have come here I am very happy that I did. Sometimes I think I know whats best for me, but I don't. The reality is that God knows whats best for me and wherever He leads me I want to follow. I want to be on fire for Him like Peter and the apostles were, even when they knew they could be imprisoned for doing God's will they remained steadfast and stood boldly for Him. That is such an encouragement to me. Thier story reminds me that through all my hard times He was always there to pull me out, even when I didn't believe in Him He was faithful to me. Now its my time to be faithful to Him and to follow His will for my life.
Application:
Today I will pray that I get out of the way and let Him lead me to where He wants me to go. I will pray that He will strengthen me to set my fleshly desires aside and fill me with His Holy Spirit.

Being Obedient

Hebrews 5:8
"though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered"

Learning to be obiedient to God took me a very long time. Im extremely stubborn. I tend to do things my own way and want to learn for myself. During my dark days I was told many times to turn to the Lord and that He would save me, but I refused time and time again. I was determined to use my own strength to pull myself out, but I ultimatley failed worse and worse each time I tried. I honestly was so lost that I wasn't really sure there was a God or If He could really save me at the point that I was at. Now that I look back at it I can point out multiple times that God was there and that it was Him that saved me and pulled me out of the pit, but during that time I was just too stubborn to believe. My entire testimony is the impossible becoming the possible, and I don't know how I could ever think that He wasn't there. He has always been there, watching over me and saving me from every horrible situation I got myself in.
More recently, I have yet another way that the Lord has made Himself so evident in my life. I was planning on coming here but money was big issue. I had literally nothing because of the life that I came out of and my mom was struggling to help me out. My amazing church came together and decided to sponsor me to be here, they didn't have all the money at first but God has been providing and keeping me safe each step of the way. When I was leaving Newark Airport to come here I was supposed to have a 12 hour layover in Washington DC, and then from there I would fly here to Guatemala. Everyone was a little worried about that layover. I had been with my family basically every minute of everyday so It was easy to stay on the right track. My family, pastor and church were praying that God would keep me safe, and He absolutley did. As It turns out that they overbooked my flight and they had no room left for me on the plane. They apologized and then informed me that they had a direct flight from Newark to Guatemala City in a couple of hours and they transferred me onto that flight. They also ended up giving me a $500 voucher towards a plane ticket for the next time I fly for the "inconvience". Not only was God watching over me and keeping me safe, but He also provided the money I would need for my next plane ticket. Thats only one example of His evidence in my life, but I have many more. Looking back and seeing all these different things now has changed my entire outlook and perspective on God. He is there, He has always been there, and He will always be there. I have made a commitment to put my life into His Hands and to obey Him and follow whatever course He has for my life.
Application:
Today I will write down all the times that God made the impossible possible in my life and I will thank Him for them.

False Accusations

Luke 3:14
"Likewise the soldiers asked him saying, "And what shall we do?" So he(John) said to them, "Do not intimidate anyone or accuse falsely, and be content with your wages."
John is preaching to the people in this chapter and telling them how they need to act. In this verse specifically he is addressing the soldiers. He is telling them not to think highly of themselves or falsely accuse anyone. He is also telling them to be content with the job they have and the money the recieve from it.
The part that really stuck out to me in this verse is to not falsely accuse. Before coming to Christ I lived my life based around a mulitude of lies and blamed everyone else for my actions. I refused to put the blame on myself, and doing that just created more problems and I could never pull myself out of the darkness that had encompassed my life. I wouldnt take responsibility, and therefore I wasn't able to confess. When I finally reached that point of brokeness and realization that I had been putting the blame on everyone else and not owning up to my own actions and decisions I was able to whole heartedly confess to the Lord, my family and anyone I had wronged, all my wrongdoings and how sincerly sorry I was for everything. It felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders. I had been lying for years, and it was just a chain of covering up one lie with another lie. It was weighing me down. Through confessing, The Lord shed His love, mercy and grace on me. I don't deserve to be here today, and I could have wound up in some really severe situations, but His mercy and grace overpowered the darkness. His light shone through those that I had wronged and I had been forgiven. Through this the Lord revealed I need to do the same . I have been hurt multiple times, and I have been carrying around resentment, hate, and anger towards them because of it. Its been a constant struggle for me to forgive all the people whom have caused me a great deal of pain. As hard as it is, I have come to realize that in a way I am also falsely accusing them. Their actions and the way they had treated me was a direct result of demonic forces at work in thier life. They are under the stronghold of Satan and they need help to break those chains. So my application is that I will make a list of anyone I held anger and resentment towards and I will pray for them every single day. In doing this I will be able to fully forgive and let go of any pain that still lingers from the past.

Being content with Him

Philippians 4:11
"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content"
God is all that I need. He is the only one that could save me from the black hole I had buried myself in. Everytime I tried to dig myself out in my own strength, I slipped and would only end up falling deeper into misery and oblivion. Because of my lifestyle I ended up stripped of absolutley everything and now I have literally nothing except what I brought with me in my suitcase, and even then I had to buy most of my clothes before coming here.
Seven months ago is when I went back home to NY to be with my family. Before that I was homeless in Southern California, living out of a car with my ex, trying to live life my own way, on my own terms. I was continuously in and out of hospitals, would go without eatting for days on end, and spent every last dollar I had on my selfish addictions. What kind of life is that ? The sad part is that for a moment in time I was fooled into thinking I was content with that lifestyle. Living in sin, destroying my body, degrading and disrespecting myself and hurting the only ones in my life that truly loved me ; God and my family. I look back now and can't believe I did the things I did. The addictions I struggled with had such a strong hold on me and it clouded my mind in such a way that I had come to terms with living that way. I would open my eyes every morning and just accept defeat. I was miserable, depressed, lost and didn't think there was a way out. I had tried numerous times to get out of it but I was sucked right back into it. My weakness, vulnerability and fleshly desires would ultimatley overpower my strength and will power after each attempt. It wasn't until I stopped doing it my way with my own strength that my life turned around. I finally leaned on God to pull me out. I gave my life to Him and His love, mercy, grace and strength saved me from myself and from the darkness that clouded my life. I can honestly say that I am content with giving my life fully to Him. After all, If it wasn't for Him and His grace I wouldnt even be alive today. I am now filled with love, joy and peace.
Application:
I want to maintain being content with Him and grow closer to Him. I want to spend more time with Him alone in His presence. Today I will go out to the tent and I will worship Him alone, so that It is only Him and I and theres no outside disturbances.