"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
Feeling fear well up inside of me is one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced. I have experienced it many times before coming to Christ. When I look back and think about it, everytime I felt fearful, there was some kind of evil behind it.
I like this verse especially because it puts fear and love on opposite ends of the spectrum. There should absolutley be no fear in any kind of relationship . Fear is not of God. This is not an easy subject but it is something that has been on my heart latley. Im referring to different types of domestic abuse and abusive relationships. It is something that I have not only witnessed, but I have personally experienced as well. Before I came to Christ I had a completley different outlook on myself. I went through different forms of abuse , and ended up in a cycle of pain and instead of fighting back I just accepted thats how it would be. For some reason or another I thought I was destined to be treated unfairly, and that I deserved it. There were so many lies from the enemy, and the drugs that I did to cope with the pain only further encouraged those lies and abusive behaviours. Im not only talking about a relationship with a significant other, although thats where most of the abuse was for me, but Im talking about any relationship where there is fear involved. If you feel that heaviness in your chest, and are fearful of someone for one reason or another, it is not love. No matter how many times that person may say they are sorry and even cry, if the abuse continues then they are not truly sorry. All the sorrys and all the tears are often only a form of manipulation and control to get you stay with them. Unless there is a true heart change, which can only come through Jesus Christ, then this abuse can and will continue.
Now let me talk about love. In 1 Corinthins 13, God tells us what love truly is. He says, "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." Recently, I compared the love of God to the way my mother has loved me. She has loved me with a pure and true love. She has exhibited all of these qualities and went above and beyond for me. I could never thank her enough for loving me the way she has, and I could never thank God enough for her. That is true love. Someone who does not judge you, someone who forgives you and who is there to pick you back up when you fall; Someone who does not think they are above you, someone who doesn't only "love" you for what may be in it for them, someone who will do anything to mend that relationship...etc. This type of love comes from God, and I think about the way Christ loved us and even willingly went to the cross to die for us. It has become so important to me to become a Proverbs 31 Godly woman so that I can be the wife that God desires for me to be. It is also important to me for the man that I end up with to be a Godly man and have the same desire to put God first in his life. When both people are seeking the Lord first in thier lives, the pure and true love of God will be evident in thier relationship and in thier lives as a whole.
I have started to pray that God will bring me a Godly man when its His timing. I am also, in the meantime, preparing myself to be the Godly wife that I was meant to be and diligently and eagerly seeking God first in my life. I also will start to pray for oppurtunities to reach out to people who are in abusive relationships.