Wednesday, March 23, 2016

I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back

Psalm 119:9-11
"How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word. With my whole heart I have sought You; Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments! Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You."

"That I might not sin against You". When we sin against each other here on earth, we are also sinning against God. I don't know about you, but for me that changes things and puts things in a different perspective . When I take a step back and think about all the things that the Lord has done for me then why would I ever want to do anything to hurt Him? God has literally saved me and brought me back to life. If you don't know my testimony, then let me briefly share some of what the Lord has done for me. I was addicted to drugs and I overdosed multiple times, but one time in particular really sticks out to me. Everything went black and the next thing I remember I woke up in the hospital not knowing what had happened. I had no energy in my body, I literally had the life sucked out of me. When I got back to my apartment I walked in and saw the disposable paddles still on the floor that they needed to use to revive me. That hit me. My heart had literally stopped and by the grace of God He brought me back. There are multiple circumstances which the Lord has saved me from. I shouldn't even be here today, yet because of His grace He has still chosen to use me as His instrument for His glory. Thats truly amazing. It doesn't matter how much I have messed up in the past because He has redeemed me and finds me worthy in His sight. I could never thank the Lord enough for all Hes done, but I can continue to grow in Him and follow the perfect plan that He has for my life. I don't know if your familiar with the song but as Im writing this the words continue to play over and over in my mind, it says "I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back". Lord Jesus, thank you for saving my life, breaking me free of the chains that held me in bondage, redeeming me and choosing to use me as an instrument for Your glory.


I want to truly have His word hidden in my heart and to always be encouraged to stay in His will. Today I will memorize Romans 12:1-2 which says, "I beesech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God"


1 Corinthians 9:24-27
"Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize ? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus : not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified."

There is one part in here that really sticks out to me. That is "I discipline my body and bring it into subjection". Here on earth if you compete in sports, run marathons or things of that nature you must train continually and discipline your body daily. This verse is not talking about doing those things though. It is talking about disciplining ourselves daily to keep our fleshly bodies in the Lord's will.

How do we discipline our body and bring it into subjection though? For me, this means staying in God's word everyday, praying without ceasing, and surrending my fleshly lusts and desires to Him daily. Ill be honest, there are days that I have failed on doing some or all of these things. Its not that I don't understand the importance of doing them, its just that there are so many things going on that I lose track of time and am exhausted by the end of the day and just pass out. There really are no excuses for not doing all of these things though. I have the desire to grow deeper in the Lord and to stay in His will for my life. If I stop doing daily devotions, or slack off on my prayer life it makes a huge difference. If im not in God's word I will not be renewing my mind daily and will dry up spiritually. If im not praying throughout the day then by the time I lay down to go to sleep I feel a huge weight on me and I need to stop and pray. If i don't lay down my fleshly desires to Him everyday, then the enemy will creep in and fill my mind with them and get me off track. These things are so important and I want to discipline my body into doing all of them every single day without any excuses.

Tomorrow, I will wake up earlier so that I have more time between the Lord and I, and spend more time in His word and in prayer.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

The Power of His Holy Spirit

Philippians 3:9

"and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith"
I read this verse a few times and each time I did the first thing that came to mind is the Holy Spirit. It brings me back to the whole context of this first part of the chapter. In verse 3 which says, "For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit, rejoice in Chirst Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh". People may follow the laws of the flesh on earth and think because they lived a "good life" and that is enough, but we as Christians know that this is false. Our righteousness will be found in Him when we listen to the convictions of the Holy Spirit, because He knows the perfect way to live and He will guide our every step.
In Acts 1:8 it says, "But you shall receive the power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shal be witnesses to Me". Being filled with the Holy Spirit is not a one time occurence. We must constantly be asking the Lord to fill us afresh daily. When we are filled with the power of His Spirit the Lord tells us that we will be witnesses to Him. That says a lot to me. We may be in our ministry and are going about our duties and appearing to be witnesses to others on the outside but where are our hearts in it ? What are our motives behind our outward works ? By using the power of His Holy Spirit our hearts will always be in the right place and in doing so we will be witnesses not only to others but also to God as well.
Tonight I will pray that the Lord fills me afresh with His Holy Spirit, and make it my everyday prayer .

Surrendering All To Him

Philippians 3:8

"Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ"

Emptying ourselves of the world and being filled with Him and His Holy Spirit. For me this is a daily occurence. I must die to myself everyday and ask the Lord to fill me afresh with His Holy Spirit.

About 8 months ago is when I gave my life to the Lord. I fell down on my knees with tears rolling down my cheeks and surrendered everything to Him. In doing this there were a lot of things I had to give up and get rid of so that I may be filled with Him instead. It has been a difficult process and there are still things I struggle with daily to give up into His Hands but I do it daily and I have seen the fruit of doing so.
There was a lot that I gave up in that moment of surrender. My life was full of darkness; the lying, the deceit, the addictions. There were so many sins that I was a slave to, but the Lord broke those chains when I gave my life to Him. The old me is gone and I have become a new creation in Him. The things of the past that I have given up mean nothing, especially since it means that I am able to gain Christ in thier place. Romans 12:1 says, "I beesech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service". A living sacrifice for Him. Living each day for Him and Him only. Giving up my fleshly desires into His Hands and trusting in His will for my life, even when it gets hard. Psalm 37:4-5 says, "Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass"


Today I will memorize Psalm 37:4-5 so that I may be able to constantly remind myself that He knows what is best for me and to give Him the reigns and the control over my life.

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Learning To Trust and To Forgive

Matthew 18:15
"Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you , you have gained a brother."
This verse, along with verses 16-20, really go hand in hand with maturity. Its easy for us to gossip and talk badly about someone when they may do or say something that may hurt us. But by doing that, we are also in sin and just creating more problems. Not only does it create problems between you and that other person, but it causes disunity between an entire group. Rather we need to approach that person privatley and talk it out with them and then if that doesnt work you bring others into it to help you talk it out and mend that friendship.
For me personally I can remember an instance in highschool this happened to me. I told my bestfriend something in confidence and it wound up around the whole school and I couldnt even walk up and down the hallways without people pointing and laughing at me. I didn't do the mature thing back then, rather caused problems for that person as well and it just escalated from there, until finally one day I approached them and we talked it out. That experience changed a lot for me. It was so hurtful in so many ways and caused a lot of trust issues for me, but it also grew and matured me as a person as well. Because of the effect it had on me, It caused me to not want to do that to another person. Although the damage and disunity had already been caused, just going to that person and talking it out with them changed everything between us. She was one of my bestfriends and I didn't want to lose that friendship and to this day her and I still talk every now and again, and theres no issues between us. It took me years to approach her though, and thats also where I fall short. I let people hurt me and take advantage of me without taking a stand for myself. On the other end, If I feel i have hurt someone in some way though, or someone doesnt like me for my own actions its easy for me to approach them and make it right.
There are a couple verses that come to mind when I think of how we should treat other. The first is Psalms 103:8 which says, "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in mercy." The Lord has neverending mercy on us, and we in turn need to have mercy on eachother instead of getting angry and blowing up on that person. The other verse is Proverbs 10:12 which says, "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins." We need to love eachother. Harbouring hatred and maintaining grudges against another person will in turn harden our hearts and also hinder our relationship with God.
A couple verses that really helped me with the hatred that I had in my own heart is Matthew 6:14-15, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." This really hit me. If i am not merciful and gracious unto others for thier sins against me, then the Lord in return will not be merciful unto me. For years I have harboured hatred in my heart towards a couple people who hurt me when I was younger. It has been hard for me to work through it but since being here in IGNITE I have been able to let go of that hatred, and in turn I pray for them.
Today I will pray and ask the Lord to give me strength and have mercy on those who hurt me.
Also to overcome the trust issues I have, tonight I will confide in my teammate Tianna about something that I haven't been able to open up about because of my fears.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Everyone is Equal in the Lord's Sight

Romans 12:16

"Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion"
Everyone is equal in the Lord's sight. No one is better or worse than the other. This is how we should also view each other. The rich are not better than the poor, celebrities are not better than the average person, and we are not better than others because we are Christians.
This is one subject that really aggrivates me, especially when it comes to Christians. I experienced this growing up. I went to a Christian school for a few years and a lot of people there had a chip on thier shoulder, and they didn't want to associate with the kids from the public schools. This was because those kids were beneath them because they weren't Christians and because they didn't go to our school. This was something that turned me off to Christianity at a young age. I thought thats how all Christians acted, like they were better than everyone else. They did the same things the other kids did, and in some cases they even acted worse than the public school kids but somehow that was okay. Unfortunatley, this is not something that only goes on as kids, because it was a learned behavior from the adults around them. This happens a lot today in the Christian church. They will look down on others for thier sins but somehow fail to look at themselves in the mirror. Jesus says in Luke 6:37- "Judge not, and you shall not be judged" and later starting in verse 41 He says, "And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye', when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye?" We must focus on ourselves and our own sins. If we see a brother or sister in sin, don't judge them. Instead, try to help them and show them the love of Christ. Jesus came to save everyone, not just some. As Christians, we are to go out and spread the Gospel to all the ends of the earth and save those that are lost and hurting.
There are times when I need to check myself . I have found myself judging the way one of my brothers or sisters are acting or saying, and then I neglect my own thoughts and behaviors . As an application, whenever one of these thoughts comes into my mind I will stop and pray in the moment and ask the Lord to help me with this, and for Him to reveal my own shortcomings.

My Doubts

1 John 1:5-7

"This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin."
My past is full of darkness, all the lying, stealing, gambling and using drugs. The Lord has freed me from that life but that doesnt mean that I don't still have thoughts about it, or get tempted by it. Im going to be really honest in this IBS (not that I havent been honest before), but its just that Im not going to sugarcoat anything or whats going through my mind. Im scared, I truly am. I will be going to a place that is deeply involved with the struggles from my past (drug use, gambling..etc.). I have a deep desire in my heart to help these people and show them the light but latley I have been doubting myself alot. Am I really able to do this ? Can I really help these people ? Will I be able to deny the temptations around me ? I have been going through it in my mind, all the things that Im going to say, and how to approach it but I still feel like I won't say the right thing, or that I will somehow stumble and fall. I have been having constant nightmares and fears, and thoughts of doubting myself. These fears and thoughts consume my mind and sometimes its hard to shake them. Now, I do realize that these are all just attacks from the Devil and that he is trying to discourage me from going. With the Lord by my side, through His strength, I know that I will be able to do this. With Him, I can resist the temptations of the Devil and His Holy Spirit will give me the words to say to these people. So why do I still have fear and doubt then ? Because I also realize that the Devil and demons are no joke. They are nothing to be played with. The things that I experienced while in that stage of my life were truly terrifying. The voices, the thoughts, the way they played with my mind, the way they made me feel was horrible. I know what they are capable of. I also know, of course, that the Lord has overcome them. I do not doubt the Lord in any way, I just know how strong I need to be in Him before I take this on. I know I can not do this without Him.
1 John 2:16-17 says, " For all that is in the world--the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life--is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever." I know that being here is His will for my life. I also know, that He wants me to be in Montana. Since the very first moment I heard of the Reservation I had a tug in my heart and knew that was where I was meant to be. So, knowing that it is His will for my life, as long as I press on and stay in His will and rely on His strength, He will be able to use me in a mighty way for His glory.
We went through James 1 this morning and it was just the message I needed to hear. Austin taught us how to combat doubt and desires. He told us we need to pray for wisdom and understanding, and to delight in the Lord. I felt like the Lord was speaking directly to me. So, starting today, my application is to pray for His wisdom and Understanding every morning and every night. Also, starting tonight, I will start to read my Bible every night before bed as well so that I may fully delight myself in Him.

My Desire to Be Married

Amos 3:3
" Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? "
When I read this verse the first thing that came to my mind was marriage. I have made so many mistakes when It comes to relationships and what I thought they were supposed to look like. Its interesting actually because I was in a serious relationship with a guy and him and I literally never fought. I cannot remember one legitimate fight that we had. In a sense, we were agreed, on the same page if you will, but there was a big problem between us. At that time neither of us knew God and our relationship wasn't centered around Him, rather around eachother and things of the world. I have made countless mistakes in the relationships that I was in. I was far from perfect and I regret being the person I was in those relationships. There are times when I wish I could go back because I have experienced so much hurt from relationships and doing things my own way. Especially for me, being engaged twice and so close to being married, which is one of the biggest desires of my heart, and then it being taken away from me in one way or another, is hard for me to cope with sometimes. Coming here and giving that desire to the Lord was really hard for me to do. I have learned to put my trust in Him completley and be patient and wait on Him and His timing. During this season in my life the Lord has set me apart from the world and from any relationships. I know that I need to focus on growing in Him and being molded into that Proverbs 31 woman (Woman of God).
As I was reading through Isaiah there were very distinct passages that have really spoken to me regarding this matter. The first is Isaiah 54:4-6, which says, "Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, Like a youthful wife when you were refused, Says your God". I read that passage and tears welled up in my eyes. My Maker is my husband, and He was there when I was refused as a youthful wife. He knows the pain I have gone through, the countless nights of crying and wondering what was wrong with me. He knows that I feel unworthy of even being in a relationship. I have beaten myself up and put myself down a lot over the failures of my relationships. He spoke to me though, and lovingly and gently told me that I am still loved deeply and that I don't need to be ashamed of my past and the mistakes that I have made. I am a precious jewel in His sight, and He loves me regardless of the mistakes I have made.
The second passage that I read in Isaiah that really spoke to me is Isaiah 64:8 which says, "But now, O Lord, You are Our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all we are the work of Your hand." This passage gave me the confirmation I needed to hear. Right now, being at Potter's Field, He is the potter and I am the clay and He is molding me shaping me into that perfect woman and wife and I need to be able to rest in that and wait patiently on Him and His timing.
When it comes to this area of my life particualry, I get very closed off and don't talk to my sisters about whats going on in my head and how I feel, so I will make it a point to talk to my sisters more about my struggles in this area. Tonight, I will talk to my sister Tianna about whats been going on and pray with her about it.


Sunday, March 6, 2016

My Prayer

John 15:15
"No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things I have heard from My Father I have made known to you"
In this verse, Jesus is calling us His friends. Think about that for a second, what an honor it is to be called a friend to the Son of God. He cared about and loved us so deeply that He came to the earth to serve us and die for us to save us all from our sins.
I would like to also take a look at Verse 11 where He says, "These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full." He wants us to understand just how much He loves us. Its with this same love that we are commanded to love each other. If we love in our own strength we will fail, so we must love through Him and rely on His strength. When we follow His commandments and empty ourselves completley of ourselves we can be filled with Him and His Holy Spirit. When we do this like verse 11 says, our joy may be full. This is a particular area that I need to personally work on. I let outside thoughts and influences get in my head, and then I remain stuck in those thoughts and negativity, and as a result my joy suffers. I need to remember that I have a best friend, Jesus, and I can always talk to Him and lay my worries and fears upon Him. All i need to do is call upon His name and He will always be there to help me through it. There are two verses that have been laid on my heart, and those are Jeremiah 33:3 - "Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know". The other is Phillipians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". These have become my life verses in this season of my life. My physical body may be weak, and the enemy knows this and tries to come in and attack my body and my mind. When this happens though, I need to just call unto Him to fill me with His strength and have joy in the fact that He has saved me, and that one day I will be spending eternity with Him in Heaven.
I need to always remember that I have a friend in Him, and that He is my shelter, the rock on which I stand. I need to fully rely on Him, and trust in Him completley. So as an application, today I will write down Psalm 61: 1-4 in my prayer journal and make it my prayer to Him every morning. It says, "Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter to me, A strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever, I will trust in the shelter of Your wings."

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Becoming a Prayer Warrior

Matthew 20:26-28
"Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave -just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."
Jesus, the Son of God, came down to earth to serve us and to die on the cross for us. Thats how much He loved us. He gave his life up for all of us. What an amazing example for us on how we should be. Now im not saying that we should physically die, but we do need to spiritually die, and die to our flesh. We must rid ourselves of everything and be filled with only Him so that we may serve Him in a greater way. This isn't an easy task. It means giving up fleshly desires and maybe even giving up friendships or relationships with people that hinder our walk with Him.
When I came to the Lord I had to give up a lot in my life. Just making the decision to come to IGNITE meant I had to give up a year of my life to serve others. It was a huge decision, but it has been so rewarding in so many ways. Don't get me wrong, I miss my friends and my family back home, but I have also made a new family here in Guatemala that I get to serve alongside with. I also had to put relationships and friendships into the Lord's Hands. That was the most difficult thing for me to do, but I have come to realize and learn that the greatest service that I can do for someone else is pray. I have become a prayer warrior, every single morning, for those that I love so dearly and are in my heart that are still suffering in the world. My mom was my prayer warrior. She put me into the Lord's Hands, and prayed for me everyday. She was worried but she also had a peace about her because she knew and had faith that I would come back to the Lord, and now here I am. If you would have known me and how lost I was before, you would have thought it was impossible for me to come back to God, but yet my mom had such strong faith. She has become my inspiration and the example of the Godly woman that I wish to be. I have now became that Prayer Warrior for others that have been heavy on my heart. I have faith that the Lord is protecting them and watching over them, just as He watched over me and protected me. My favorite verses are from Lamentations 3:22 and 23, which says, "Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. That are new every morning, Great is Your faithfulness." My mom read this out loud and cried after I shared my testimony in my home church, and now these verses have so much meaning to me that It brings tears to my eyes whenever I read them. Great is Your faitfulness Lord God. Though we may stray away from Him, He never strays away from us. He has, is, and always will be there faithfully.
I want to become even more of a prayer warrior, so starting today, in addition to praying every morning for those ones that I love that are away from the Lord , I will also pray for them every night before I go to sleep, as well.

Staying Humble

Luke 17:7-10
"And which of you, having a servant plowing or tending sheep, will say to him when he has come in from the field, ' Come at once and sit down and eat' ? But will he not rather say to him, ' Prepare something for my supper and gird yourself and serve me till i have eatten and drunk, and afterward you will eat and drink'? Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not. So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded say, 'We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do'."
Serving without expecting a thank you, or anything in return. How many times do I let my pride get in the way ? Ill be honest with you all, there are times that i get upset when I don't hear a thank you. Its part of my selfish, prideful human nature to want to hear how great of a job im doing. Now im not saying that its wrong to hear or say thank you once in a while, because I think we all need that bit of reassurance once in awhile, or else we will get burnt out. What Im saying is that we should be doing things for others because we genuinley truly want to deep down in our hearts, not because we want recongnition for it.
At the end of Verse 10, Jesus commands us as His servants to say, 'We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do." Humility. I know that I am unworthy, yet my Lord has chosen me to do His work anyways. If you know my background , the things I have done and where I came from you would think I would be the last person God would use to do His work, yet He has found me worthy in His eyes and He has chosen me. I have had multiple people tell me that I have a great calling on my life, and it touches my heart each time. Why would the Lord want to use someone such as myself ? He can use anyone, and if at any point He finds that I am getting too prideful and only serving for recognition He can and will pull me out at anytime. I need to be very careful to have the right heart going into this. I will be going to Montana, and I am part of the first team going there and the Lord is going to do some incredible things there. I know He will, and He has found me worthy enough to take part in this amazing oppurtunity. Wow, how incredible is that ? Ill be honest, there are times that I can get prideful about it, and think of all the things I can do there, but in reality its not me doing those things at all. God is working through me, and its only because of Him and through His strength that I will be able to do the plans He has for the Reservation.
1 Peter 4:11 says, "If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever." To God be All the Glory. I have to be careful to not let my pride get in the way, and to make sure that I am truly glorifying Him in all that I do, because without Him I am nothing. After all, I wouldn't even be where I am today If it wasnt for His undeserving grace on me. Thank you Lord !
Today I will memorize 1 Peter 4:11 so that I will always remember to do everything through His strength and not my own, and also to make sure to keep myself humble and give Him all the Glory in everything that I say and do.

Surrending my Fears to The Lord

John 12:26
"If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor."
Serving God means obeying Him and following Him wherever He may take me. Its being sensitive to hearing His Holy Spirit guiding my every step. Serving the Lord means serving others as well.
In April I will be going to the Blackfeet Indian Reservation in Montana for 6 months. I am so blessed to be able to have the oppurtunity to go there and serve the people there. I will be honest though, it was a big struggle for me to give up a year of my life to lay aside what my flesh wants and to serve the Lord through serving others. Being 27 years old, I feel like I have already lost so much of my life and I had a plan laid out for how I wanted my life to go. I wanted to be married and have a family before the age of 30, and thats all I could think of when I was given the oppurtunity to come to IGNITE. I had to learn to surrender all the Him and like the verse says, If i really want to serve Him, I must follow Him wherever He leads me. Not only did I have multiple other believers who felt in thier hearts that this was the place for me but I prayed about it myself as well and felt that tug in my own heart that this is where I needed to be. I chose to give up my fleshly desires and to follow Him here, and since doing this I have been so blessed. Dying to self. Thats what I needed to do, and continue to do every single day. Its a constant struggle though, and the enemy loves to try to swoop in and tell me of all my weaknesses and tell me I am not able to do this. I recently wrote a poem about this spiritual battle, Here it is :

Lately I feel like the demonic forces of my past are surrounding me and filling my head, although the voices arent prevalent anymore I can still hear every word they said,
the darkness creeps up on me and little by little my light is becoming dim,
trying to persuade me to yet again become a slave that was controlled by sin,
Telling me You are not fit for this - your physical body is destroyed and weak,
There is no hope for this better life and future that you so desperatley seek,
Just face Shannon it youve done too much damage to yourself as a whole,
Your worthless - theres no way you could ever be used to help save anothers soul,
Theres nothing you can say or do to anyone that will ever be worth anything,
These things they say as they laugh and continue to fill me with the darkness they bring,
My heart beats faster and faster and theres a pressure weighing down on my chest,
Feeling defeated tears roll down my face as I struggle to find comfort and rest,
Backed into a corner on my knees again I cry out to the Lord to silence these voices,
Help me Lord Jesus to just shut them out and not make the same horrible choices,
Help me to know that in You I have worth and all I need to do is have faith and believe,
You are my daughter and I love you, He says to me , Everythings okay Shannon just breathe,
You are worth more than a precious jewel and you are so beautiful in My sight,
Just remember that this battle is not only yours alone for I am here to help you fight,
And then suddenly I can feel peace and joy wash over me and my mind is clear,
As I am able to realize that because I have Him there is no reason for me to fear,
Thank you Lord Jesus for saving me from the darkness that tries to bring me pain and strife,
Lord continue to guide me and help me follow and obey Your perfect plan and will for my life.
Application :

Today I will surrender my worries and fears to the Lord. I will stop and pray in the moment throughout the day any time the enemy tries to put those fears into my mind, and give them up to the Lord.