Wednesday, March 9, 2016

My Desire to Be Married

Amos 3:3
" Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? "
When I read this verse the first thing that came to my mind was marriage. I have made so many mistakes when It comes to relationships and what I thought they were supposed to look like. Its interesting actually because I was in a serious relationship with a guy and him and I literally never fought. I cannot remember one legitimate fight that we had. In a sense, we were agreed, on the same page if you will, but there was a big problem between us. At that time neither of us knew God and our relationship wasn't centered around Him, rather around eachother and things of the world. I have made countless mistakes in the relationships that I was in. I was far from perfect and I regret being the person I was in those relationships. There are times when I wish I could go back because I have experienced so much hurt from relationships and doing things my own way. Especially for me, being engaged twice and so close to being married, which is one of the biggest desires of my heart, and then it being taken away from me in one way or another, is hard for me to cope with sometimes. Coming here and giving that desire to the Lord was really hard for me to do. I have learned to put my trust in Him completley and be patient and wait on Him and His timing. During this season in my life the Lord has set me apart from the world and from any relationships. I know that I need to focus on growing in Him and being molded into that Proverbs 31 woman (Woman of God).
As I was reading through Isaiah there were very distinct passages that have really spoken to me regarding this matter. The first is Isaiah 54:4-6, which says, "Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, Like a youthful wife when you were refused, Says your God". I read that passage and tears welled up in my eyes. My Maker is my husband, and He was there when I was refused as a youthful wife. He knows the pain I have gone through, the countless nights of crying and wondering what was wrong with me. He knows that I feel unworthy of even being in a relationship. I have beaten myself up and put myself down a lot over the failures of my relationships. He spoke to me though, and lovingly and gently told me that I am still loved deeply and that I don't need to be ashamed of my past and the mistakes that I have made. I am a precious jewel in His sight, and He loves me regardless of the mistakes I have made.
The second passage that I read in Isaiah that really spoke to me is Isaiah 64:8 which says, "But now, O Lord, You are Our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all we are the work of Your hand." This passage gave me the confirmation I needed to hear. Right now, being at Potter's Field, He is the potter and I am the clay and He is molding me shaping me into that perfect woman and wife and I need to be able to rest in that and wait patiently on Him and His timing.
Application:
When it comes to this area of my life particualry, I get very closed off and don't talk to my sisters about whats going on in my head and how I feel, so I will make it a point to talk to my sisters more about my struggles in this area. Tonight, I will talk to my sister Tianna about whats been going on and pray with her about it.



 

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