"This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin."
My past is full of darkness, all the lying, stealing, gambling and using drugs. The Lord has freed me from that life but that doesnt mean that I don't still have thoughts about it, or get tempted by it. Im going to be really honest in this IBS (not that I havent been honest before), but its just that Im not going to sugarcoat anything or whats going through my mind. Im scared, I truly am. I will be going to a place that is deeply involved with the struggles from my past (drug use, gambling..etc.). I have a deep desire in my heart to help these people and show them the light but latley I have been doubting myself alot. Am I really able to do this ? Can I really help these people ? Will I be able to deny the temptations around me ? I have been going through it in my mind, all the things that Im going to say, and how to approach it but I still feel like I won't say the right thing, or that I will somehow stumble and fall. I have been having constant nightmares and fears, and thoughts of doubting myself. These fears and thoughts consume my mind and sometimes its hard to shake them. Now, I do realize that these are all just attacks from the Devil and that he is trying to discourage me from going. With the Lord by my side, through His strength, I know that I will be able to do this. With Him, I can resist the temptations of the Devil and His Holy Spirit will give me the words to say to these people. So why do I still have fear and doubt then ? Because I also realize that the Devil and demons are no joke. They are nothing to be played with. The things that I experienced while in that stage of my life were truly terrifying. The voices, the thoughts, the way they played with my mind, the way they made me feel was horrible. I know what they are capable of. I also know, of course, that the Lord has overcome them. I do not doubt the Lord in any way, I just know how strong I need to be in Him before I take this on. I know I can not do this without Him.
1 John 2:16-17 says, " For all that is in the world--the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life--is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever." I know that being here is His will for my life. I also know, that He wants me to be in Montana. Since the very first moment I heard of the Reservation I had a tug in my heart and knew that was where I was meant to be. So, knowing that it is His will for my life, as long as I press on and stay in His will and rely on His strength, He will be able to use me in a mighty way for His glory.
Application:
We went through James 1 this morning and it was just the message I needed to hear. Austin taught us how to combat doubt and desires. He told us we need to pray for wisdom and understanding, and to delight in the Lord. I felt like the Lord was speaking directly to me. So, starting today, my application is to pray for His wisdom and Understanding every morning and every night. Also, starting tonight, I will start to read my Bible every night before bed as well so that I may fully delight myself in Him.
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